Stop accomplishing this to yourselves. Stop accomplishing this to us. Let’s accept a altercation like accustomed people. Leave the La-La-La-Can’t-Hear-You’s out.
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People who assert on not accepting spoilers pushed on them are like bodies who assert on actuality kept abroad from affirmation that Santa is not real. It is a admirable anticipation — absolutely — but it’s no way to live.
Embrace the spoiler. I have.
I actively seek out spoilers. The allegorical socialite Alice Roosevelt Longworth reportedly had a beanbag abstract with “If you don’t accept annihilation nice to say, sit appropriate actuality by me.” I should get an adapted adaptation of the aforementioned cushion, with “If you appetite to allege advisedly about above artifice credibility of a series, sit appropriate actuality by me” in adventurous cross-stitched letters.
I apperceive spoilers for alternation I haven’t alike watched at all. It aloof makes sense. Mainly, I like to be reassured that there won’t be a behemothic spider. There is no point in sitting bottomward and committing yourself to years of “The Sopranos” if there’s activity to be a behemothic spider in the average of Season Four.
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Is this is because I abhorrence surprises? Maybe. My dream abruptness affair is the affectionate that happens to addition else. (Or, declining that, one that you are told about several weeks in beforehand so you can accomplish assertive you’ve gotten abundant sleep, brushed your teeth, are cutting an accouterments that doesn’t accomplish you resemble a atoning covering rack, and aren’t afraid and annoyed so that you accost everyone’s blissful shouts of “Happy Birthday!” as they cascade from your closets by agreeable and assault them berserk with your umbrella.)
But we don’t appetite to apperceive what’s activity to happen, spoiler-haters say.
Why? One of the attenuate delights of fiction is that you do apperceive what is activity to happen, able-bodied in beforehand of the characters. In life, you never accept any added advice than the added characters about the future. You can alone blemish the broadest outlines of things. You can’t alike anticipation the weather. Why not booty the adventitious back you accept it? The addle-brain is the monster that has been appear into the end of the labyrinth. And how abundant added agitative the coil is back you apperceive you’re activity to run into a Minotaur!
But maybe this acrimony at abasement isn’t such a contempo addition afterwards all. Afterwards all, Cassandra went about Troy cogent bodies analytical artifice credibility that they weren’t activity to ability until abutting week. And how they hated her!
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The agitation with spoilers is that it is absurd to prove that your attitude about them is correct. You can alone accept the one experience, and the one you did not accept will consistently approach in the ambit as the Perfect Unattainable Outcome. The Unspoiled Wonder of that episode, you acquaint yourself, would accept been a affair of beauty. Yes! So we charge flag, flag, banderole every accessible altercation of the artifice so as not to ruin the abstinent blossom of benightedness for others!
Hogwash. The abracadabra is in accepting there.
I apperceive how this started. It acclimated to be that you could analytic accept that bodies would watch a affair back it aired. Now the Netflix chain stretches to infinity, and aloof because you haven’t watched it doesn’t beggarly you don’t INTEND to. How cartel bodies try to allocution about that anniversary episode? What do they anticipate this is, the afterpiece of “M*A*S*H”? No, never allocution about anything! You’ll ruin it.
The alone acceptable affair that this alarm of spoilers has bred is a aeon of several hours or canicule back bodies abjure from amusing media, out of arduous terror.
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But it’s no way to live. Trying to airing through the Internet after dispatch on a addle-brain is as absurd as activity through activity accepting agitated every time addition reminds you that diminutive activity forms are nested in your eyebrows. They’re aloof there, and you can’t let them ruin things for you.
Whether it’s “House of Cards,” “Breaking Bad” (spoiler alert: the appearance ended) or “Game of Thrones,” every adventure can be bargain to a addle-brain formula. The dog dies. The baiter sinks. The baron perishes.
There’s no artifice it. You ability as able-bodied live. Unlike Joffrey.
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